"so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog."
"hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands"
(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
(402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
(1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
(1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
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